Lice and jock straps

When it rains it pours, and that doesn't refer to this past weekend.

After starting my day finding a couple of wet jock straps and football pants in my office -- ewwww! -- and literally running up the stairs holding onto them with my pinky, the first day of the week actually went downhill from there.

I was looking forward to being lunch mom for the first time in Jack's first grade class, but I needed a drink afterward. Not just from the rowdy kids -- they weren't too bad - but because I was standing in the parkling lot keeping an eye on the students when I noticed the principal striding toward me. With a tight smile, not a "Oh, I need to talk to you about publicity for the school" smile. She informs me that she got five homework notices from Kevin's sixth grade teacher on her desk and she'll have to give him a detention. I start to plead his case that he has so many attention issues and organizational problems but has a good heart and is not purposely blowing off his work blah blah blah enabler blah blah blah enabler, and end up backing off because I sound like all of the other "not-me" parents.

Then, at the end of the lunch hour, Jack's teacher walks in and says she heard from another teacher that the room was "completely out of control" when she passed by. Um, I tell her, I just asked who was a Sox fan and who was a Cubs fan to liven things up a bit and yeah, they did end up kind of shouting and screaming but it was all in good fun. Thankfully, his teacher said that was fine but to probably avoid such sensitive topics in the future. Sticking to Hangman next time, so I don't feel like a first grader in trouble myself.

Cut to 3:00 p.m. I pull another -- another! -- homework notice from Kevin's bag. The stress I'm feeling from the day -- not helped by frantic radio reports of a crashing Wall Street and words like "Second Great Depression" being thrown around -- explodes and I end up saying things to him I regret only a few hours later. Like, "Oh, have fun working at 7-11 when you get older because I'm not sure college is for you!" And "Do you want me to draw out the word 12 and 6 so you can see the difference between having to do 12 problems versus doing the six that you did?"

Sighing, I see another note in his take-home folder. A health notice with the four-letter word "L-I-C-E" at the top. I take a deep breath and ask Kevin who has been absent in his class lately. He tells me that so-and-so is out. "Where does she sit?" I ask, trying to be all nonchalant.

Oh, but of course. "Next to me."

Nothing like picking through a scalp and checking for flying creatures and nits to end a Monday. That even tops the soggy undergarments.

Let's see what tomorrow's backpacks bring.